For many women, the question “When are you getting a child?” is not a casual conversation starter. It can be a reminder of years of waiting, medical appointments, failed attempts to conceive and, in some cases, the painful judgment that comes from family and society. Yet infertility is far more common than the silence surrounding it suggests.
The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that one in six people of reproductive age globally experience infertility during their lifetime, making it a widespread health issue rather than a personal failure.
The burden is particularly significant in Africa, where WHO estimates put the period prevalence of infertility at 16.4% in 2021, compared with a global estimate of 12.6%. Despite this, women are often the first and sometimes the only ones blamed when a couple fails to conceive.
WHO notes that infertility can result from factors affecting either the male or female reproductive system, yet social blame frequently falls disproportionately on women. Behind the statistics are women whose identities are reduced to their ability to bear children, even though motherhood is only one part of who they are.
For one woman, who requested anonymity to protect her privacy, the statistics on infertility are not just numbers but a painful account of years spent trying to understand why she could not conceive.
She says, her journey began in 2018, after years of experiencing severe menstrual pain that sometimes left her hospitalized. What initially appeared to be painful periods would later lead to a series of diagnoses, surgeries and, eventually, the discovery that both of her fallopian tubes were blocked.
“I started my infertility journey in 2018. That is when I really wanted to have a baby but could not,” she tells African Spotlight Network.
Her struggles had, however, started years earlier. After completing secondary school, she began experiencing severe menstrual pain. Even after college, the problem persisted until she fell ill and was admitted to a mission hospital, where doctors discovered a ruptured ovarian cyst.
“The cyst was removed, but similar cysts kept recurring,” she says
According to her, she was later diagnosed with endometriosis, adding another layer to a reproductive health journey that would eventually force her to confront the possibility that she could not conceive naturally.
For her, the hardest part of infertility was not only the diagnosis or the years of treatment, but the way it slowly changed how she saw herself and interacted with the people around her. After learning that both her fallopian tubes were blocked and that she would need in-vitro fertilization (IVF) to conceive, she began withdrawing from colleagues and social circles.
Conversations about children became difficult, leaving her feeling like an outsider among people who appeared to be moving through a stage of life she desperately wanted but could not reach.
“I always found myself the odd one out. I would become emotionally overwhelmed whenever colleagues talked about their children and sometimes found myself sitting alone,” she recalls.
She says, balancing treatment with work became difficult, as she needed time away for medical appointments and procedures. Her experience, however, exposed a deeper reality: infertility can isolate women not only because of the inability to conceive, but also because of the shame, questions, assumptions and expectations society places on women to become mothers.
Dr. Khadija Mbeneka, an obstetrician-gynecologist (ObsGyn) and gynecological oncologist, says stigma surrounding infertility is sustained by misinformation, limited access to care and the belief that infertility is primarily a woman’s problem.
She says many patients delay seeking help because several causes of infertility can be treated, while others assume specialist care is only accessible to wealthy patients.
Another major barrier, she says, is the cultural belief that men cannot be infertile. This can leave women undergoing years of unnecessary treatment while male-related factors remain undiagnosed.
“Most times I insist on full fertility testing involving men too before I can issue prescriptions,” she says, noting that this approach has helped identify cases of male infertility where female fertility tests were normal.
According to her myths can deepen the shame surrounding infertility. Some women are wrongly told that infertility results from promiscuity, while blocked fallopian tubes are often blamed on sexually transmitted infections. She stresses that conditions such as endometriosis can also contribute to blocked fallopian tubes.
“I sometimes invite spouses or close family members into consultations, particularly when explaining conditions such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS),” she says adding this helps couples understand that infertility is not necessarily anyone’s fault.
For Mbeneke, breaking the stigma begins with changing the conversation around infertility. Couples need accurate information, men need to be included in fertility testing, and women should not be made to carry the blame for a condition that can affect either partner.
“Infertility is not necessarily anyone’s fault,” she says.
According to CPM Bishop Amos M. Mwangi, a psychologist, infertility stigma takes two forms: self-stigma and social stigma, both of which can leave lasting emotional scars.
Self-stigma occurs when people begin blaming themselves for being unable to conceive, developing feelings of worthlessness, bitterness and self-hate. Mwangi says this internalized stigma can become particularly damaging because it grows silently, gradually affecting how a person sees themselves and their place in society.
“Social stigma, comes from communities that expect every “normal” man or woman to be fertile,” he notes
For him, those unable to conceive or make a partner conceive may be subjected to hurtful labels, ridicule and discrimination, with derogatory terms in some African communities deepening the pain.
“The consequences can be severe, with some people contemplating or attempting suicide because of the pressure and rejection they experience,” he notes.
“Social stigma, comes from communities that expect every “normal” man or woman to be fertile”
— CPM Bishop Amos M. Mwangi, a psychologist